Grandma

Grandparents.  What would kids do without grandparents?

I, for one, have only one grandparent, my grandma, my mother's mother, and don't know how I would have turned out without having had her in my life.  My father was adopted and his parents were already dead when I was born.  My mother's father...who knows?  As she lays in her nursing home, riddled with dementia and not knowing who I am, I wonder who she really is/was.  She used to tell stories of her youth, her daddy, her mama, and of her life that spans 88 years and spent mostly in Signal Hill and Long Beach, CA, and Albequerque, New Mexico.  She was the youngest of 5 children, grew up during the Depression, lived through World War II, and wholly and completely loved John F. Kennedy.  She was watching the news when the Watergate story broke and when the Twin Towers fell.  She told us about the love of her life, her fiance, who was a fighter pilot in World War II and was shot down and killed.  She's had to say good-bye to too many life-long friends.  Through it all, she had three daughters-my mother and my two aunts, 4 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren.

Grandparents are and always have been important figures in the lives of the young...meaning, anyone who is not as old as they are, even if said grandma is only in her 40s. I hope I never have to know what it's like first hand what my grandma experiences at her nursing home. I think if her old self saw how she is now she wouldn't have very nice things to say (because she never minced words). From what my mother and aunts tell me, they can't understand her unless she's cussing.  Dementia has got to be the most evil disease anyone can suffer.

Grandma raised her 3 daughters and then helped raise her 4 grandchildren-my two cousins, my sister, and me in the 70s and 80s and continued to be a force to be reckoned with through the 90s and 2000s.  She liked to remind everybody that she was not a "babysitter" but rather, one of our caregivers, and there's a difference.  Grandma watched us while my mom was at work on the graveyard shift.  I have many, many fond memories of those nights.  Once, after she put us all to bed, she got to watching Laugh In, a 70s era comedy show where the contestant had to sit in a big overstuffed chair and try not to laugh at comedians.  We snuck out of bed, crawled down the hall, and hid behind her chair.  The ensuing, "YOU GIRLS GET BACK IN BED!" was all it took for us to haul butt back down the hallway, giggling hysterically the whole way.  She didn't even get out of her chair.

She took us to Thrifty's for ice cream cones on a regular basis because "it's the best" and let us get a triple scoop. Oh, how I loved dessert time because that meant a big bowl of mint chip ice cream in front of the T.V. watching Merv Griffin or Lawrence Welk (I loved the Champagne Lady), or my favorite, The Dukes of Hazzard, after macaroni and cheese, hot dogs with ketchup, and salad with ranch. On separate occasions, she'd take us to Woolworth's to get a candy bar and wait ever-so-patiently as we hemmed and hawed about which one to get. It was a very difficult decision, as the candy selection was huge.  She took us to pick out our birthday present and let us have it early. She had a Toyota Carina that was beige and had a bumper sticker that said, "I 'heart' my Grandkids," and made us all wear our seatbelts (remember when seatbelts were optional?) and would strap it around two of us at a time if she had to.  If we got ready in time, she'd take us to school so we didn't have to ride the city bus, and if we argued with each other, she'd just yell and start flapping her hand in the general direction of the backseat and slap whoever was unlucky enough to be in the way. 

She had a full-time job at Bank of America.  She was a teller, then later, an escrow officer.  She retired, but kept working as a teller and trained new tellers.  She used to work at the branch on the Queen Mary, where we'd get to visit her.  That's where I learned to count money.  I used to count the pennies by twos for her, so she could close up.  I loved visiting her there because we could go behind the counter! , and see the vault, and run around on the deck of that big ship and nobody said to stop.

My grandma is full of passion, especially for her grandkids and great-grandkids (my cousin's children).  Her favorite gift was to receive photographs of us...us with a cat, us with a dog, us together, each of us separately with or without a pet, with our elementary school friends, high school friends, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, and of every non-special occasion that ever was.  She was the one who always had her camera at every single family function.  Before she became unable to fully function, she was in the middle of having the slides her daddy took on his lonely road trips put onto compact discs.  I would like to see those someday.

She also used to watch Mtv, even if we weren't sitting with her.  She'd crochet a baby blanket and sing along to Duran Duran and Thompson Twins so she'd know what her grandkids were into.  I still have the blankets she made me, and I always will.

There is a volunteer at my school who all the kids call "Grandma."  She works in Kindergarten, so every student who has been through our Kindergarten knows who she is.  I don't think she (or the kids) know what an indelible impression she's making on everyone.  All she has to do is make herself visible and kids will run up shouting, "Grandma!" and hug her.  She walks slowly, wears glasses, and hunches over, but the kids never have to be told to be gentle, they just are.  She is stern but loving, and they respond.

A student in my class has a grandma who comes in to volunteer every Thursday.  She provides, without even knowing it, that unconditional love and acceptance that comes with being a grandma.  Kids who just met her want her attention, but don't beg for it, they wait their turn.  Is it because they just know she will make the time?  It's that "Grandma Vibe" that I'm talking about.  She will do whatever I ask of her.  She tears worksheets from 24 workbooks, she helps kids with math, and she helps students plant tulip bulbs in the garden.  I only ask her to do things I believe she can physically handle, though.  She even shows up, wheeling her walker, with homemade oatmeal cookies for the kids and zuccini bread for me.

I have so much more I could say about grandmas (sorry grandpas, I have no experience with you, unfortunately, although I'm positive you are just as dynamic and full of love as grandmas are) but this is a blog, not a book. 

Give your grandma a hug!

My grandma passed away on Monday, January 7, very early in the morning.  She was 89.  She waited until my mom, who had been sitting with her all night for two nights in a row, to leave to take her last breath.  We believe she could still understand us, as we'd get a reaction when we talked to her.  I told her, over my mom's iPhone speaker, that I love her and not knowing what else she wanted to hear so she could finally let go, I told her that none of us do drugs, smoke, and we all eat healthy.  We all have jobs and are happy in our lives.  She started to moan something with three syllables.  I want to believe she was saying, "Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer" or "I love you, I love you, I love you."  We've since been scanning old photos like crazy to put on our shared website so I can make a photo book filled with our stories and remembrances of her.  She was a powerful figure in our lives and will continue to be until my dying day.