Sign Language

Six year olds need to talk.  If you think about it, they've only been talking since maybe 2 years of age, so they're experimenting and learning all the nuances of language, some better than others.  They ALL need to talk to me first thing in the morning, "Mrs.B, have you ever seen that movie, 'Ghostbusters?  Mrs. B, do killer whales like kids?  Mrs. B, my homework is at my dad's house or in the car and we can't find it we looked everywhere.  Mrs. B, can I get a drink?  My TOOTH CAME OUT!  Mrs. B, will you read Zombiekins today if we get all our work done?  Mrs. B, I don't feel good......Mrs. B, we got a puppy!  Mrs. B, I watched Ironman? with my dad?  and I'm going to be Ironman for Halloween!  Mrs. B, I didn't go trick or treating because I was scared."

I am not kidding, this is all at the same time, and I can't even remember all the other whacky tidbits of information I've been privy to over the years. 

First Graders are hilarious.  But I'm on to them with their tattling...I think.  I've learned that when a child comes to me with a complaint, they're pretty much only telling me the parts that will make him or her look like the poor, innocent, wronged child they claim to be.  Once the whole story comes out....

"Mrs. B, he threw sand at me in the sandbox and now I have sand in my eye and can I go to the office?" 

"Who threw sand?"

"Buddy."

"On purpose?"

"Uh huh."

"Buddy, did you throw sand at her?"

"Well!  She ruined my hole." (I guess that means yes)

"What hole?"

"The hole I worked on all recess and we were going to bury sticks and pretend they were bones and dig them up but she kicked in all the sand we dug out."  At this point witnesses approach.

"Yeah! she did it!  I saw her..." 

"Nu uhhh!  I was digging and sand accidentally flew into her face!"  (how many times have I heard that one?)

"Stop."  It's determined by me (the judge) that nobody is being kind and decide they could have behaved differently at the get-go.  I never make anyone apologize, but suggestively say "What would you like to do to make it better?"  Usually they all apologize and eventually get their eyes flushed.

No wonder we invented first grade sign language.  There are days when I just can't hear another human being say "Mrs. B?" 

We (teachers at my school) decided on signals to lessen the damage to our ears and to conserve our sanity.  To ask to go to the bathroom, students merely cross their middle finger over their pointer finger.  Urgency is conveyed by facial expression, holding of the crotch, or how close to your eyes the criss-crossed fingers are to your face, or a combination of these.  The other day I was in the middle of a game when a girl silently walked up to me, one hand on crotch, eyes bugged out and eyebrows crinkled and slowly moved her crossed fingers to within an inch of my nose.  Cross-eyed, I gave her permission with a nod.

The Quiet signal has morphed from two fingers held up in a "peace" sign to "Quiet Coyote" which is a variation of "hang loose" with pointer and pinky held up and thumb, middle and ring finger touching.  It's always ironic to see a class (mine) walking in line with their Quiet Coyote signals up but sound like a herd of elephants.  That's when I have to resort to desperate measures..."double silent signals!"  To which half the class responds with both hands in the air, one with Quiet Coyote and one with a peace sign.  Silence will last a good 30 seconds with this one.  We're never getting the monkey...

There are a couple of different ways to respond with a "yes" or a "no."  One hand in a fist that bobs up and down means "yes," so does a thumb up.  "No" is a side-to-side shake of a hand with fingers straight, or a thumb down.  The meaning of "silent" is usually lost, however, since these signals are usually accompanied with a spoken response.

My principal awards a San Francisco Giants rally monkey stuffed animal every Friday to the class that behaves in public, meaning whenever your class goes on campus beyond the classroom.  You never know when she is going to be lurking in the halls, the library, the cafeteria, the playground, or even in the bathroom (so we tell the kids) so you BETTER BEHAVE if you want that monkey on Friday!  I've wrapped up all the signals into one single encouraging phrase as in, "Let's walk in line Monkey-Style!"  Then all their hands go up in Quiet Coyote, eyes face front, and lips are closed!  At least for 30 seconds.

Keeping kids quiet is a lost cause.  It's not human nature to be quiet all the time.  Really, talking is how we all acquire any language.  Have you ever tried to learn a second language?  Speaking it is the hardest stage.  So in a way, I'm glad my class is noisy sometimes, because that must mean they're learning. 

It's just so funny when I actually tell them to talk... and not one word is spoken.