Angry Little Boys.
There are a lot of them in the world. Isn't it just easier to be happy? I heard that once in a movie, although I can't remember which movie it was. When I heard it, it was like a weight was lifted, because, yeah, it kind of is. I'm basically a happy person, I can usually see the bright side of things and am always aware that my situation can be worse, no matter how hard it seems in the moment....the fact remains that somewhere, somehow, somebody else is in a worse situation.
I don't understand how seemingly small things can make people so angry. Ever heard of, "Don't sweat the small stuff?" I certainly have and I don't.
I walked over to his seat where I saw that he couldn't possibly write any sloppier. The scene came complete with a scowl and a frown, body slumped and heavy sigh.
"I know you can do better than that," didn't help much. I said it partly because I believed this was a negative attention grabbing ploy. I wasn't giving in that easily.
"No I caaaaaan't!" Tears ensued.
"I've seen your homework and you CAN do better than this."
He started to cry harder and bellowed, "That's my mom's writing!" His mom does his homework? In writing that looks like a kid's? Okaaaay. Now it made sense...I always wondered why his homework was always better than anything he ever did in class.
I made him cry and now I feel like shit, and he feels even more like shit.
But, being that I'm such a happy, optimisic person, I knew I could salvage the situation so I changed tactics and showed him how to keep track of what he's copying off a mini-white board by erasing what he's copied with his finger. When all the print is gone, he's done. He liked that. He was done in 3 minutes, after wasting 30 in class.
I figured out why I'm so tired this year....it's this kid. The one who crushed my foot with his in a moment of anger. The effort of getting through the day, day after day, with everyone accounted for, intact, happy, and having learned something is so very, very draining.
I have no idea what his life is like. I only know that he never, ever shows me who he really is. He doesn't show anyone at school even a glimmer of a normal 6 year old boy who likes to do little boy things. Other little boys say hi to him, and he doesn't acknowledge them. He never smiles. He never laughs. He also hasn't received any birthday invitations (to my knowledge) and isn't enrolled in any after school activities or sports. So sad. I refuse to believe one's situation is who s/he is.
I've invested a lot into this child, and that's understating.
This past week, that has all changed. I don't know if something changed at home or if it's the Daily Report I started him on last Friday (on which he earns smiley faces and comments about his day). He's been responding, trying, raising his hand to contribute, participating, playing, running, and READING!, cutting, gluing, coloring, drawing, and laughing. Yes, laughing. He left school with a smile on his face 4 days in a row.
"Mrs. B, I don't usually read because it's boring but today I was reading and (shoulder shrug) kinda liked it," was music to my ears. I had noticed that he was indeed reading quietly at his desk and purposely didn't say anything because I know he is very self-conscious and that he wouldn't want to be caught enjoying himself (gasp!). I sensed this was a breakthrough moment. I love those.
As happy as that made me, I knew it wouldn't last. At the risk of sounding judgmental, some families thrive (is that the right word?) on upheaval. This would not last...
When I found out that he's moving out of state, I was surprised, but not really surprised. This was news I greeted with mixed emotions. I was and still am, angry, happy, irritated, relieved, and sad all rolled up into one jumbled mass of confusion. In any given moment, I can't wait for him to go and I don't want him to leave. If they're moving, why did they (his family) let me go to so much trouble to get him services? People don't just up and move 3 states away without knowing about it for some time, right? I feel like I've been played. I hope he at least will remember me not as the teacher he hurt, but as the teacher who cared enough to not give up on him.
Maybe one day, when he's plopped in front of a tv, he'll come across the movie I mentioned and hear that line. "It's easier to be happy," and feel that release of letting crap go.
That's me, always hoping, wishing, and dreaming of peace on earth. But when he goes, I'll give him a big hug, shed a little tear, wave good-bye.....then smile a sad smile.
There are a lot of them in the world. Isn't it just easier to be happy? I heard that once in a movie, although I can't remember which movie it was. When I heard it, it was like a weight was lifted, because, yeah, it kind of is. I'm basically a happy person, I can usually see the bright side of things and am always aware that my situation can be worse, no matter how hard it seems in the moment....the fact remains that somewhere, somehow, somebody else is in a worse situation.
I don't understand how seemingly small things can make people so angry. Ever heard of, "Don't sweat the small stuff?" I certainly have and I don't.
I walked over to his seat where I saw that he couldn't possibly write any sloppier. The scene came complete with a scowl and a frown, body slumped and heavy sigh.
"I know you can do better than that," didn't help much. I said it partly because I believed this was a negative attention grabbing ploy. I wasn't giving in that easily.
"No I caaaaaan't!" Tears ensued.
"I've seen your homework and you CAN do better than this."
He started to cry harder and bellowed, "That's my mom's writing!" His mom does his homework? In writing that looks like a kid's? Okaaaay. Now it made sense...I always wondered why his homework was always better than anything he ever did in class.
I made him cry and now I feel like shit, and he feels even more like shit.
But, being that I'm such a happy, optimisic person, I knew I could salvage the situation so I changed tactics and showed him how to keep track of what he's copying off a mini-white board by erasing what he's copied with his finger. When all the print is gone, he's done. He liked that. He was done in 3 minutes, after wasting 30 in class.
I figured out why I'm so tired this year....it's this kid. The one who crushed my foot with his in a moment of anger. The effort of getting through the day, day after day, with everyone accounted for, intact, happy, and having learned something is so very, very draining.
I have no idea what his life is like. I only know that he never, ever shows me who he really is. He doesn't show anyone at school even a glimmer of a normal 6 year old boy who likes to do little boy things. Other little boys say hi to him, and he doesn't acknowledge them. He never smiles. He never laughs. He also hasn't received any birthday invitations (to my knowledge) and isn't enrolled in any after school activities or sports. So sad. I refuse to believe one's situation is who s/he is.
I've invested a lot into this child, and that's understating.
This past week, that has all changed. I don't know if something changed at home or if it's the Daily Report I started him on last Friday (on which he earns smiley faces and comments about his day). He's been responding, trying, raising his hand to contribute, participating, playing, running, and READING!, cutting, gluing, coloring, drawing, and laughing. Yes, laughing. He left school with a smile on his face 4 days in a row.
"Mrs. B, I don't usually read because it's boring but today I was reading and (shoulder shrug) kinda liked it," was music to my ears. I had noticed that he was indeed reading quietly at his desk and purposely didn't say anything because I know he is very self-conscious and that he wouldn't want to be caught enjoying himself (gasp!). I sensed this was a breakthrough moment. I love those.
As happy as that made me, I knew it wouldn't last. At the risk of sounding judgmental, some families thrive (is that the right word?) on upheaval. This would not last...
When I found out that he's moving out of state, I was surprised, but not really surprised. This was news I greeted with mixed emotions. I was and still am, angry, happy, irritated, relieved, and sad all rolled up into one jumbled mass of confusion. In any given moment, I can't wait for him to go and I don't want him to leave. If they're moving, why did they (his family) let me go to so much trouble to get him services? People don't just up and move 3 states away without knowing about it for some time, right? I feel like I've been played. I hope he at least will remember me not as the teacher he hurt, but as the teacher who cared enough to not give up on him.
Maybe one day, when he's plopped in front of a tv, he'll come across the movie I mentioned and hear that line. "It's easier to be happy," and feel that release of letting crap go.
That's me, always hoping, wishing, and dreaming of peace on earth. But when he goes, I'll give him a big hug, shed a little tear, wave good-bye.....then smile a sad smile.
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