Danger Zone

    I really like the tv show, "Archer."  It's crude and so unlike something anyone would imagine would entertain a teacher.  Just because I'm a teacher doesn't mean I'm not human.  There's a line from the show in which Archer, the self-proclaimed "awesome" ISIS spy declares that another character better call Kenny Loggins because she's in the "danger zone" (in your head say these words in a high-pitched-trying-to-be-cool-but-you're-not singing voice) referring to the very classy and classic, 1980's movie Top Gun.

One day in October, while I was in my classroom doing what I do, the student who usually causes disruption was doing so, so I told him to get out from under the table and join the group.  He wouldn't, so I reasoned with him, telling him that he is part of this group and nobody else is under any tables.  That didn't work so I ignored him for a few minutes (because I don't like to reward negative behavior with attention).  That also didn't work so I asked,  "What if all of us were under tables right now, how would that look?"  Pretty ridiculous, and many of the students thought so too, so there were some giggles.  Sometimes diffusing a situation with humor is the ticket.  Nope.  Not this time.  I was tempted to just let him stay there.  Turns out, I didn't know I was in the danger zone as I never heard the "nanah nah na na, nanah" to warn me of impending danger.

I didn't convey my feelings of impatience (hello? we have a schedule!) but I was getting pretty ticked off.  If there were a thought bubble above my head visible to all, I'd be in real trouble right about now.  I'm very glad we do not live in a Minority Report kind of society.  I lowered my voice an octave and firmly told him, "Get. Out. From. Under. The. Table. Now.  and come turn a card."  I counted, "1 (not one iota of movement)...............................................................................2 (he's still there but moving in the general direction)......................................3."  Out he came with a very angry look on his face.  On his way to the card chart (scroll down to the * below), he passed in front of me and vehemently stomped on my sandal-clad foot with a grunt and a scowl on his face.  I was astounded, but calmly, took his hand and told him, "You hurt me." 

It was recess time, I was finished reading the story anyway, so I excused the rest of the kids to the playground.  I, of course, had yard duty (what teachers have to do instead of using their 10 minute break to go to the bathroom and get ready for the next lesson), so I took him outside with me.  I had him sit on a bench until he cooled off.  I was shockingly not angry, but mostly concerned, as what he had just done immediately registered on his face.  In the days to come, he'd present me with flowers that he'd picked out of someone's yard and a handwritten apology note (he hates to write). 

I didn't think much of the incident in terms of my own physical health.  It didn't really hurt at the time and I figured I was unharmed.  I was mostly worried about this quiet/sweet kid who demonstrated such volatile behavior over something so small.  I know children react physically because they don't yet possess the language to convey emotion.  Dealing with this was my priority and I wanted to do it right. If he doesn't learn to channel his anger now...

Fast forward 3 months...my foot continues to be painful and after way too many phone calls, appointments, and tests, it's been determined I suffered a bone bruise and was told I'm lucky.  Yup, real lucky...let's see, I've spent my own time writing sub plans so I can be out of my classroom to rest my foot and go to physical therapy and doctor appointments.  I hate it when the doctor gets a little giggle out the fact that a small child caused such destruction (if you're going to laugh, don't do it in front of your patient!).  I feel guilty for being out of my classroom so often the kids have begun asking me daily if I'm going to be there after lunch, never mind that I spent my own money to buy a new pair of shoes that I don't even like. 

When I am at school, I have to be off my feet for 45 minutes out of every hour (c'mon) and I flinch every time a small little foot comes within 6 inches of mine.  Oh, don't forget the orthotics I now have to wear that make my feet feel like I'm walking on rocks, and the nightly icing and 3 times daily dose of ibuprofen (since Halloween) that's probably doing a number on my kidneys.  I'm so lucky.  I bet you wish you were me...I'll feel like new in 6-8 MONTHS. 

If I could morph, I'd like to be a little more like Lana, Archer's counterpart.  She has a rockin' body and doesn't take any you-know-what from anyone and usually has a couple of guns strapped to her body (I'd probably wear more clothes than she does though).  I could've used some back up that day.  Being in my classroom alone with 24 little children with questionable language skills and clumsy tendencies can feel like the danger zone sometimes.  What if they decide to mutiny?

photo by unknown

*  The "card chart" is an attempt at recognizing those kids who follow rules and work hard every day.  It consists of 5 colored cards in a labeled pocket.  If you break a rule, you move one of your cards.  Blue=great day.  Yellow=warning, try harder (or, "you're pushing it, buddy)  Green=lose recess (sit on a bench and think about how you're going to change your behavior)  Purple=community service (pick up trash during your recess) (I don't like to imagine certain individuals in their future garb of flourescent orange with their grabbers on the side of the freeway but the image never escapes me and makes me sad) and Red=visit the principal AND call your parents (aka BIG trouble).  If a student gets to end of a day without moving a card, he/she gets a stamp on her/his chart and when it's full it's time to celebrate with a piece of candy and Pat on the Back!  A Pat on the Back is figurative "good job" coupon-sized piece of paper with an imprint of a hand and when a kid saves up 20 they get awarded a Dragon Tag.  A Dragon Tag is a necklace that's like a military dog tag only it's made of plastic and has a picture of Sparky on it.  Sparky is our dragon school mascot who "flies in" for the Positive Action Assembly at the end of the month whose reception is unrivaled by one that would be received by Santa Claus.  A Positive Action Assembly is a gathering in the MP room to honor kids who have demonstrated our word of the month.